Captain Boob and the Iron Boob
by OwlinAMinor
Summary: Somehow, a discussion of the insult "You're a boob" leads to new nicknames and a new relationship. Inspired by and based on the CTcon 2012 Masquerade. Stony/Superhusbands.


**Captain Boob and the Iron Boob  
**

**DESCRIPTION: Somehow, a discussion of the insult "You're a boob" leads to new nicknames and a new relationship. (Inspired and based on the CTcon 2012 Masquerade.)  
**

**LENGTH: One-shot**

**PAIRING: Stony/Superhusbands  
**

**GENRE: Romance & Humor  
**

**INSPIRATION/EXPLANATION: At ConnectiCon every year, there's a Masquerade - basically, a huge talent show for different nerdy-related skits and whatnot. And every year, a different group of characters hosts (i.e. announces and does mini-skits in between the skits of) the Masquerade. This year, it was the Avengers. Also, this year, Captain America and Skeletor were competing to be elected** **as the President of CTcon. Skeletor was elected, but then it turned out he had secret evil plans so the Avengers defeated him. As he stormed off stage, Skeletor insulted (most of) the Avengers by calling them boobs. Okay, now you pretty much know enough to understand the story. (If there's any confusion, feel free to ask me in a review or PM and I'll explain.)**

**THE DISSING OF THE CLAIMS: If I owned Tony and Steve, I would shove them in a bathroom together (after installing a video camera in the ceiling, of course) and leave them there for a few hours. That hasn't happened (yet.) So, I don't own them (yet.)  
**

**Thanks to Kris (IgneusGlacies) for reading this before I posted it (and basically complimenting me enough that I actually posted it) and also for sending me lots of Stony fanfiction to fuel my new-found obsession. xD  
**

**ENJOY, MY PRETTIES~  
**

* * *

"You're a boob."

They were sitting at a nearby bar after the show (and subsequent showdown), casually ignoring the hungry stares of rabid fans. Well, the Captain was ignoring them. Tony Stark was enjoying every minute, occasionally bursting out into semi-drunk renditions of "Call Me Maybe" and throwing slips of paper with his number written on them into the crowd.

"I swear, that loincloth-wearing purple people eater's insults get worse every day," the playboy genius said, sitting down after a particularly raucous karaoke session. "I mean, really? 'You're a _boob_?'"

"It's kind-of fun to say, though, isn't it?" Steve replied, trying (and failing) to ignore the fact that sweat was dripping off of Tony's face. "You are a _boob_," he shouted, poking his index finger into the other man's half-exposed chest.

It was a nice chest. Even with the reactor (_especially_ with the reactor), it was fascinating to look at, to caress, to (maybe? please?) kiss …

_Stop it, Captain. You're getting ahead of yourself._

… Okay, _when_ did his inner voice of reason start sounding like Jarvis?

…

Moving on.

Tony, seemingly unaware of Steve's inner turmoil, considered his point. "That's true. You're a boob. A boob, I say, sir," he tried in a British accent.

Steve did not think that was sexy. At all.

"It's best the way Skeletor says it, tough," the Captain said. "You're a boob," he sneered, trying to be as creepy and Skeletor-y as possible.

"Nice," Tony complimented. You're a boob, a boob, a bibbity bobbity boobity boob," he sang.

"Bibbity bobbity boobity boob," Steve repeated. "Not bad."

"Oh, it's better than not bad, and you know it. But you know what's better?"

"What?"

"CAPTAIN Boob!"

Everyone in the vicinity (who had of course been eavesdropping - I mean, wouldn't you be, if you were in a bar near Tony Stark and Steve Rogers in the flesh?) burst out laughing at the mental image of a giant boob dressed like Captain America.

Everyone except Captain Boob himself, that is.

"Well, then, you're the Iron Boob," he retorted.

Tony chuckled. "The Iron Boob. I like it. Maybe I should change my superhero name. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," he announced, climbing on top of the bar, "I PRESENT TO YOU, MY NEW NAME: THE IRON BOOB!"

The cheering was heard for miles around.

The newly re-named Iron Boob was so enthralled by the enthusiasm of his fans that it took him half an hour to notice that the Captain was missing.

Luckily, the hero wasn't hard to find - it only took Tony ten minutes and one hundred bucks in bribes to find the guy outside the bar, sulking against a wall.

"Couldn't take it in there, Cap?" Tony asked, sliding down to sit beside his Captain.

"Well, I dunno," Steve answered. "I'm still getting used to these twenty-first century bars. Loud music, so many people …"

_So many people that you'd want over me,_ he thought.

Steve Rogers wasn't entirely sure when he'd started to think of Tony Stark, playboy philanthropist genius and self-made superhero, as more than … well, a crime-fighting colleague. He'd never had … feelings … like this for another man before. Hell, it had been illegal when he had been growing up …

It just showed that the newly-named Iron Boob was special - it took a lot of special to break through the Captain's mental blocks like so many weightless clouds.

Steve, on the other hand … He didn't know what he was doing.

As had been shown earlier that night.

"Hey, Tony, why do you think they voted for Skeletor over me?" Steve wondered suddenly.

"Well, clearly, it was brainwashing -" Tony started, before he caught a glimpse of Steve's definitely-not-in-a-kidding-mood face.

He sighed. "Oh, God, don't tell me you're having self-esteem issues."

"Well, I …" The Captain looked down. "I can't help feeling … What kind of a hero am I, if those people like an evil skeleton with a fuzzy loincloth more than me?"

_He's cute when he's insecure,_ Tony thought, with a small burst of pleasure.

Out loud, the genius said, "You're the best hero in the world, Captain."

"You really mean that?" the hero asked.

"Of course," Tony replied. "You're the hero of America, the greatest country in the world. You're the greatest fighter, the greatest leader, the greatest strategist, the greatest … well, the greatest person. The _only_ reason they didn't vote for you was because they're jealous of how incredible you are."

Steve snorted. "Sure."

"Well, also, his commercial was better," Tony admitted. "And you should've stripped. That would've gotten you the vote for sure."

The Captain blushed. "B-but … I-I … N-not m-m-morally … correct … I-I m-mean …"

_And even cuter when he blushes and stutters. Wonder if I could make him do that in bed …_

Tony laughed and patted the other man on the back. "Just kidding. Seriously, though," he said, looking Steve right in his big, blue eyes, "I meant every word of what I said. I've said a lot of bullshit in my time, but that was one hundred percent non-bullshit. You're our leader, Steve. We all look up to you. And we can't do that if you don't look up to you, too - if you don't realize how awesome you are."

At some point, Tony's sunglasses had come off. He looked better without them, Steve thought. He was sexy with them, sure, but without, his eyes were visible, and … _mmm._

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF YAOI, KISS ALREADY!"

The two heroes sprung apart to discover a young girl in a strange costume pointing a camera directly at them.

"Do you know this chick?" Tony whispered.

"No, you?" Cap replied.

"Nope."

"I can hear you, you know," the girl said. "I'm just here to tape my favorite pairing of _all time_, reach a billion subscribers on YouTube and deviantART, and basically make a whole crap-ton of fangirls very, _very_ happy. Now, I know you guys admire each other very much and I'm sure your love is beautiful and that's adorable, but won't you _please_ cut to the chase and have a hot, heavy make-out session? _Please_?"

The heroes looked at her. Then at each other. Then back at her. Then back at each other.

(Sadly, neither of them suddenly found himself on Moriarty. But that was beside the point.)

"We shouldn't," Steve said.

"No, we definitely shouldn't," Tony agreed.

"I mean, we like to make our fans happy, but … this is a little much."

"They can be fine with just pictures of me."

"And besides, it would … be … gross."

"Us kissing? Totally gross."

"…"

"You don't really mean that, do you?" Steve asked quietly.

"Nope. You?"

"Nope."

And, just like that, they _were_ having a hot, heavy make-out session.

How jealous are you of that fangirl right now? I mean, really. How much would you pay to see that?

I know, I know, me, too.

For what it's worth, she told me that totally awesome doesn't even begin to cover it.

* * *

"Well, that was …"

"Amazing?"

"Wild, crazy, and incredibly hot."

"So, basically, me in make-out session form."

"… Yeah."

"So, Captain Boob, wanna come up and see my hotel room?"

"Sure, Iron Boob."

"… You _do_ realize you'll really only see the bed, right? And that probably won't happen until tomorrow morning."

"I _understood_ that reference!"

"Okay, dear, just making sure …"

* * *

**Reviews make the sun shine a little brighter. :)**

**ALSO: Someone needs to draw me pictures of a boob dressed as Captain America and a boob dressed as the Iron Man. Like, right now. (I would do it myself, but my drawing skills are seriously lacking.)  
**


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